Letter to His Holiness Pope Shenouda III

Dear Sayedna,

Congratulations! You have completed your struggle here on this earth and have now gone to be with your Creator. Since it all started back on November 14, 1971, you have been nothing but the true image of love. It is said of your predecessor, H.H. Pope Kyrillos VI, that he was the embodiment of prayer. Thus, he was called “a man of prayer.” Well, I believe we, the generation who know no other pope in our lives can call you the “a man of love,” as you continually demonstrated your endless love first for your God, and then for us, your flock. From the moment you entered this life, the Lord knew what you will mean to those dwelling in it because He knew what you meant to Him before He sent you. Now that you have entered the eternal life, He can place you in your rightful seat among your fellow saints. We are not the same in your physical absence, but are now lifted up and made better in your eternal presence. Therefore, we mourn not because of your departure but because of our selfishness and weakness, knowing that our earthly shepherd is no longer around us.

However, our tears are turned to rejoicing when we fully understand our faith in the Lord and His Glorious Resurrection. So no, we are not going to be sad, or depressed, nor will we sulk, or groan, or wear black, or feel despair. We always pray saying “there is no death for Your servants, but a departure,” which of course means that we are joyful to know that the Lord, God Almighty has called you back into His holy arms, after He lent you to us for a short period of time. Our collective voice has been made stronger in the eyes of the world because of your service. We are eternally grateful to God for sending us such a wise, caring, loving father like you to guard us and guide us through our earthly spiritual struggle.

We, your children, know that the gates of Heaven have opened and have welcomed you above where there are no tears or sicknesses. Our Good and Loving God has allowed us to enjoy your wisdom and guidance on Earth, and to follow the only great spiritual leader some of us have ever known. Through your guidence, teachings and your sense of humor that will never be forgotten, you have led the Egyptian Coptic community through the roughest times ever and have shown multiple generations around the world that God is always in control. Heaven is feasting right now because of your arrival. The angels are singing praises right now as they hear Our Lord tell you “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

So today, your children want to congratulate you and thank you for your years of faithful service and unfading love. We will not be saying goodbye to you, but rather we ask you to pray for us before the Throne of the Pantocrator until we see you again. Your earthly presence will be missed but your heavenly presence will most certainly be felt. Intercede for us and continue to take care of us up there.

Love,
Your Children

The Art of Second Chances

St. Moses the Strong

Sometimes people mess up. As imperfect beings charged with the power to manipulate, lie, cheat and steal and the emotional sophistication to feel jealousy, heartbreak and outrage, this is to be expected. That being the case, we sometimes find it in our hearts to empathize with the offender and forgive or love them and forget. We award plenty of second chances, and some of us are filled with so much empathy or love that we even give third and fourth chances. Still other times we are not so gracious and the offender must lie in the bed made by a less-than-wise decision. Therein lies the delicacy of the art. The complexity is in its simplicity because we make decisions all the time. It’s how strongly we are attached to them that can get interesting.

St. Paisa

In our personal lives, I am sure that the majority of these decisions are based upon feelings – the raw and blinding emotions of love, lust and fear to name a few. However, second chances are not limited to family, friends and lovers and in fact often flood our more objective world. Maybe you are a boss whose employee has failed to meet your expectations or maybe just a guy who got bad service at the bank or the market. You will, consciously or not, evaluate the offender’s worthiness of a second chance. Inherent in our nature is the tendency to make a snap decision based soley upon a first impression. The danger here is that often times we mentally condemn the offender, deem the situation disadvantageous, and are slow to award a second chance.

In my experience I have come to realize that all learning involves a series of steps. With all new learning there needs to be incentive, motivation and a desire to not give up even in the face of discouragement. The process in my findings has been defined by three distinct stages:

I have to first become aware that change is needed. Having awareness does not necessarily mean that I am willing or able to address what needs to change. Awareness slowly grabs my attention until I find myself unavoidably faced with reality.

The next stage in the process of learning is acceptance. As I move into the acceptance stage of change of learning, I begin to grasp what my awareness wants to teach me. When I enter the acceptance stage, incentive motivates my desire to look for logical and legitimate solutions. Through embracing my need for change, I am launched forward by my awareness and acceptance.

The final stage in the art of change involves action. Without action everything remains the same. When I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I have passed through the awareness and acceptance phase of change. I become willing to look for solutions because I am tired of doing the same thing and getting the same result.

As we stay committed to practicing the art of change our circumstances become tutors in the school of life. Learning becomes the vehicle that empowers the process. The process points us in the direction of our destiny. Being, then becomes more important than merely doing as we seek to live life on God’s terms, because we know that more will be revealed in due time through Him than through our own weaknesses.

“Living a second chance is like learning to walk again after an injury.”   - Anonymous

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”   - Matthew 18: 21-22

Judge Not!

First off… let me start off by explaining that there is a difference between understanding the difference between right and wrong and judging. I am not supporting some type of relative morality. Right and wrong exist and both are absolutes found in the Holy Scriptures. However, the pronouncement of sentence (judging) upon your fellow men is different. Judging is when you not only think you see the wrong someone is doing but then take it a step further and declare a punishment or sentence (even if it’s just in your mind) upon that person.

So why do people feel the need to judge others?

Don't Do It

1. People pass judgment on others because it gives them a feeling of superiority. When people can comfortably point their fingers at their peers or make other people look at the seeming faults or shortcomings of others, it naturally makes them feel just that much better. Remember when you were a kid and you got caught doing something by your parents? Did you ever try to snitch on your siblings or close friends about their bad behavior in order to get your parents to stop scolding you for yours? Many people fall into the temptation to try to make the Christian life all about living up to a certain performance ratio, that is, a series of do’s and don’t's, scrutinized by the public eye. So they go around pointing out and judging the failures of others, even if it is just in their own minds, in order to gain personal satisfaction that they themselves are righteous. Bad move.

2. People pass judgement on others because misery loves company. Many people who feel condemned themselves want others to be in the same boat as they are, so they make it happen. They feel that they are not good enough, not loved enough, not performing up to whatever standard they have set for themselves, so they put people in the same box. We have all seen this many times in churches that have congregations with superiority complexes; meaning, they feel that their mode of operation or way of expressing Christianity is better or just “more right” than all the other methods, so they judge their own brothers and sisters in Christ on their alleged lack of righteousness. They can also spread a rumor or some other bout of negativity to just a few friends about the decision making process of others who may be outside their own mentality. Again, bad move.

3. People judge others because they actually are trapped by the same or similar sin. Many times people judge others because they are trying to either make up for their own failings, or they are acutely aware of that particular sin because it resides in their own life. That type of judgement stems from the knowledge that others might be innocent of your forthright (or mental) accusation, but your inner struggle leaves you a slave to outward opinion. It could be that the influence of another is keeping a person entangled in a web of caution operation is, in reality, outside the scope of this person’s comfort zone. People can be and are conditioned by their surroundings to love or hate particular courses of action. There is no shame in trying to help someone maintain spiritual excellence. However, this is great shame in judging another person’s actions without knowing every single detail first. Our Lord put it this way. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?”

...they judged Him too...

“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  – Hebrews 4:12

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”   – John 13:35

Reflection

Let your light so shine

As the year comes to an end, people often reflect on what has transpired over the past year. How is my life different now from a year ago? It is an important question to ask and really ponder. Are you getting closer to your goals and dreams? Perhaps even achieving them? Can you measure growth? Have you found God’s will for you? Are you doing your best to strive for it? If you haven’t done this before, or you haven’t done it so thoroughly, I highly recommend starting the tradition. Heck, it could be the first thing you change for the sake of the new year!

Reflect on changes

When I reflect on the past year, I look at the good, the bad and the ugly… even if it seems there is more bad and ugly than good.  It’s so crucial to look at ALL that has transpired. If you only look at the good, then often the bad and the ugly just hang on like dead weight and baggage in the new year. It’s also advisable to let go of any baggage accumulated from this past year – starting fresh in 2012. If we only look at the ugly, then we miss the growth that has occurred. The good stuff is just as important, or even more important to the learning process as the ugly stuff. When you reflect on the questions below, I recommend taking the time to write them down. You can be more thorough and visually see your 2011 on paper.

_______________________________________________________________

The Good Stuff – What have you accomplished this year – spiritually, professionally, personally, financially, socially, academically? What were the pleasant surprises of the year? What gifts has God bestowed you with? (should be plenty here) Did you learn any lessons about yourself? About life? Really think about the many blessings positivity that Our Lord has placed in your life. Celebrate this good stuff and share it with loved ones!

The Bad Stuff – What disappointments or regrets did you experience this year? What were some of the not-so-pleasant surprises? (plenty for me here) What mistakes did you make that you learned from? (again, plenty) Try to bring some compassion and some forgiveness to these moments, so you can let them go and move on. It’s been a long year, and undoubtedly a lot of situations ended unfavorably, a lot of people have wronged you, and a lot of new turmoil has arisen. If there are lessons to learn from these experiences, pray that the Good and Merciful Lord gives you the strength to learn them and take them with you into 2012.

The Ugly Stuff – What were the moments of 2011 that you would rather forget about altogether? When were those times of utter despair? What was the event or, for me, sequence of events that threw your life into the most unexpected tailspin of unfairness, confusion, hurt, abandonment, and destruction? The main part here is that you survived the ugly stuff. Although challenging, I invite you to recall those memories, feelings, and judgments, so you can let them go and move on in faith and hope in God. What’s also important in letting the ugly stuff go is finding the lesson and the gift that Christ shows you through these experiences. While this too can be a struggle, it helps in moving on so that grudges or hurt feelings don’t linger or hold you back in the future.

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”   - Unknown
“Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some”   - Charles Dickens

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Heads Up

You can’t go through life thinking everybody you meet will one day let you down. It’s selfish, unfair, and unhealthy. You can’t go through life thinking everybody in front of you is a saint and will do you no harm. It’s naïve, foolish, and incomprehensible. One of the best kept secrets in today’s world is how to live a life of pure, healthy, humble confidence. I thought about this as I observed different social circles, different spiritual levels, different economic statuses, and different ways of socioeconomic conditioning over the course of my young adult life. Living within the confines of one’s comfort zone becomes about what facade one puts forth. It’s not about talent, academic excellence, physical achievements, intellectual wars, cockiness, pride, or “swag.” It’s about confidence.

Confidence is the mask under which I am really talking about strength, but not directly. Strength, however, has its roots clearly hidden under a layer of misunderstanding. Over the years I have been profoundly struck by the lack of confidence which people, especially younger people, have, and this is true even in those areas in which a select few are supposed to be experts. When harmlessly we displace people from their very narrow boundaries, where their habits allow them to basically sleep through what they’re doing, they lose all of the confidence that they had and, in fact, what often passes for confidence today is not really confidence at all. It could be more accurately described as “unconsciousness of behavior.” True confidence is rare today.

Often times, we are told that humility, a virtue, is inherently the absence of pride, a sin. That is true. However, the misunderstanding creeps in when one confuses self-confidence with self-absorption. What isn’t true is the notion that any confidence one exudes means that one is being condescending and is therefore proud. Practically speaking, be assertive in what is right without hinting to the person with whom you are conversing that he/she is ignorant. This will cause friction which may lead to a never ending mutual exchange of what will seem like a flurry of intellectual insults. A confident person is a compassionate person ready and willing to bring any and all people up to and beyond his/her own level of confidence. The strength I alluded to earlier is in essence the empowering strength to stay down to earth, loveable, and humble without being a doormat.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   - Philippians 4:13

“Try love. With love, you can win over a person.”   - Sobhi Nashed Boss (my grandfather)

Respect

It is truly exciting to think that one lives in a world of unlimited mystery and potential discovery. Often burdened by the numerous calamities of this world and the injustices of life, the average person begins to lose hope and wonders when true happiness will visit once again. What I know now is that, in an effort to effectively restart one’s life, the cliché is quite true, “happiness comes from within.” The revelation however, is that happiness is generated by respect.

+ Two kinds: Self respect & Respect of others +

When one has self respect, the personality traits of others can never really break through that. Respect generates inner happiness and in turn, inner happiness creates boundaries. Boundaries that are cemented by personal values. Values that determine the behavior you expect from yourself and the behavior you are prepared to accept from others. With respect we can work through pain and find our way back to peace. When we learn the art of respect we can let go of anger and release bitterness. We no longer need to be validated by others. With respect it is possible to forgive the person or entity who wronged you or to let go of an obsessive situation.

Respect is something which has become increasingly underrated. The language and tone we use in addressing each others often displays a lack of it. Our unwillingness to listen and truly hear one another shows it’s absence. Disrespect is like an angry disease which spreads throughout every aspect of our lives. Cynicism grows in an effort to shield ourselves from it. Yet through respect, we find strength and fortitude.

It isn’t a magical new age talisman. It doesn’t make us immune from heart break, but it does however, enable us to learn and grow from it and to heal. By respecting ourselves we can love ourselves. We understand our intrinsic value as children of God and we also understand the equal value of others and whatever the lesson they have been sent to teach us. When we learn to truly respect ourselves and others, we can live confidently and assertively. We need never be people-pleasers or seek attention, or feel threatened or belittled. We will appreciate our own value before God and no other appraisal will be required.

If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.   – Abraham Lincoln

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.   – Phillipians 2:3

Changes

Too many times we, as weak human beings, believe that our plans are bound to come to fruition according to our own time table. Then comes a thing called CHANGE. It’s something we all face, usually on a daily basis. We cannot avoid it or redirect it or stop it. We should embrace some change, but even the changes we do not like or do not want must be dealt with. Remember that not all change is good, and not all is bad. There may be some to which we can say ‘NO,’ but there will always be the change with which we have no recourse. The one constant, however, is that there will always be change in our lives.

So, how do we deal with change? We simply rely on our Hope with an open heart and a calm spirit. Most changes in our lives are not under our direct control, but they are still in our lives and we have to learn to adjust. Whatever that change may be, we must find a way to fit it into our lives, and reshape our thoughts and behaviors to positively accommodate it. We cannot mull over what life was like before the change and how difficult it will be to revamp ourselves. Likewise, we cannot disregard the past in order to focus solely on an amazing new change that has come upon us. We must think of change as more of a transition. That way we can focus our attention and our prayers on what will become of us as time progresses and the results of the change become apparent.

Yes, change has many faces. It has many benefits and it may have many consequences. But the important thing is how we handle it. Is it with grace, or with anger? Do we smile through it, or do we frown? And how are we treating those who bring the change to us, with love or dislike? Jesus Himself faced many changes, yet He continued to shine through them all, even while suffering on the cross. He went through the ultimate change…from life, to death, to life again.

So look at your life today, and when you face a change, embrace it. Whether it be good or bad, think about what it means, what you will have to adjust to deal with it, and how you can turn it into something positive, no matter what it is. Then thank God that you can assimilate change into your life, and if it is a difficult one, ask Him to give you wisdom and grace to handle it. Find opportunity in any change, and use it to enrich your life. Do not allow it to hinder your walk with God. Rather, face it as a new adventure, with joy and excitement and wonder.

Listen, I tell you a mystery; We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed.   - 1 Corinthians 15:51

Change in all things is sweet.   - Aristotle

Note on Humility

Nobody likes being put in a position where one’s helplessness is the only way out of a tough situation. Complete submission and humility combined are a virtue that brings about immense spiritual and metaphysical reward. Often times we get caught up in situations that immediately demand that we become defensive, even if we know we are wrong. Other times, we are confronted by a person or circumstance that presents a great challenge to our pride or dignity, and the tendency is to resist stepping back and instead put up a foolish fight, whether it be outwardly in word or deed or in inwardly in our own heart.

Gentleness and lowliness of heart are among the first blessings we observe in the Lord Jesus Christ’s earthly example. It is not from an angel, a man, or from a book you learn lowliness of heart, but from Christ Himself. That is how we learn humility, from the meekness shown by the Lord Jesus Christ on the earth and throughout time. His perfect example and the examples of the righteous saints should act as a guide for how to handle today’s temptations and challenges.

How do you know when you have crossed the line from simply having confidence in yourself and your abilities to falling into the sin of pride?

Acquiring humility requires continuous exercises. First we must come to recognize our weaknesses. True humility is attained by work and the knowledge  that outside behavior affects the inside human feelings. The Lord taught us how to attain humility in a very practical way. As He washed the feet of the holy disciples, he also commanded them to do likewise. In today’s society, that does not mean to literally wash feet but rather to humble yourself in submission and obedience to the infinite Will of God. For those struggling with this concept, the Lord will send you multiple opportunities to humble yourself (sometimes one right after another), and it is then incumbent upon you to recognize those moments and seize the chance to learn a lesson and grow. If you pray for humility or even just reduced pride, you must understand that it will come to you throughout the course of your daily life once you start recognizing its manifestation.

Do not mistake the virtue of humility for a lack of self-worth. Each person must have a level of confidence in one’s own abilities insofar as being a vessel of God, a tool for Jesus Christ to work with, and a temple of the Holy Spirit. The difference between being proud and self-confident lies in how much you trust yourself and how much you trust in God. The self-confident person trusts in God, and that is why he is self confident: “I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). The proud person trusts in himself with the underlying belief that he does not need God. Don’t be the latter.

Just as salt is to food, humility is to every virtue.   -Saint Ephraim the Syrian

The humble person would not judge his neighbor, though he may see him worshiping idols.   -St. Longinous of the desert

The Labyrinth of Life

The combined model and method I like to follow is summarized under the term “The Labyrinth of Life.” The Labyrinth of Life is based upon a notion that our lives might be likened to an often confused and aimless traverse through a kind of labyrinth. We seek direction and understanding, and are also handed advice from a whole lot of different sources about the right way. The problem in searching for answers outside of ourselves is that we are lead here and there without getting any wiser or getting any closer to our goal, whatever that may be. We hardly ever know what we are looking for! Anyway, the result is increased confusion and being more and more lost.

How should one go about then?
Well, by becoming aware of the labyrinth and its construction, and getting access to tools for the deconstruction of it, one is able to get a bearing on one’s own struggle and release unimaginable amounts of locked-in-life force and vitality. This can only be achieved in one way: stop following in others’ footsteps and start walking our own path. A path we may only find by opening our heart, as we all have a built-in compass that continuously points us to the center of our own very personal labyrinth. All we have to do is accept it and start paying attention to it. It’s about courage. It’s about breaking through the shells of fear one encounters. It’s about making the best of every situation, going with the flow and accepting everything one discovers about oneself. It is about surrendering to God’s Greatness and opening up to His gift of life itself.

My personal experience? Exploring the labyrinth of life is a way of life, a way to relate to life and the experiences it presents to us. Most of the exercises I read about and tried did not work for me, since the main objective seemed to be to remove or suppress whatever one did not want to experience in one’s life. Some part of me, however, resisted this and refused to be put down. In retrospect I am truly grateful for these parts of me for putting up the fight they did. The frustration about not working as one obviously should, coupled with my growing aversion toward the suppression of parts that evidently were important for my wholeness made me rely completely on the existence of God in my life. You, too, are not alone here. Change is life.

You are in the Labyrinth.
You decide if it is to be a Labyrinth of Death or a Labyrinth of Life.
The adventure is waiting for you.
What are you waiting for?
-unknown

Decoding

Many times due to the weakness of our limited human understanding, we find ourselves trying as hard we can to decode events in our lives. The most common question in the history of human development is, of course, “why.” In order for us to receive a satisfying answer, usually something tangible must happen where we can feel the effects of our question being answered. For example, a cataclysmic event is ordinarily credited with the answer to a vast variation of questions ranging from, “why me” to “why now” to “why this.” Everyone is looking for God (as they understand him) to “speak” to them somehow for the sole purpose of trying to understand why it is that certain circumstances befall them. If something is amiss, a second chance is naturally what we seek.

I, as I’m sure is the case with many others, struggle with the line of thinking that eventually leads to more confusion in search of just the opposite. I ask myself, “why was this event allowed to happen to me” or “why was this person allowed to enter my life” or “why was I not allowed to do something I desired so much?” These and all other like-minded inquiries are a direct attempt to realize the incomprehensible and infinite glory of God’s Wisdom. Like most, I am the type that must know why in order to truly believe in what I am doing and thus, do it right or at least as best I can. That means that if I am not given an answer yet am still forced to comply, it becomes a daunting task of minimal effort riddled with challenging questions such as “why this” and, the most popular one of all, “WHAT’S THE POINT?”

However, enjoying the freeing feeling of total understanding is not always beneficial to a person at a particular time. An event that seemingly occurs in the natural course of life and that becomes systematic and continuous in our lives generally is seen as the perfect beacon for what we believe is correct or good. Then it ends, or worse, it gets distorted and drags on unhealthily. A person in that situation has no idea what will hit him/her later. It will be a time of reflection filled with what ifs and whys that will lead to nowhere in particular except maybe more confusion. It is only when a person relies on the Will of God and the understanding that to try to decode Him is a challenge of His Wisdom that a person will truly find inner peace. The ability to move on from the trials and tribulations set before you becomes so much more bearable when you realize that there is a never-ending Strength that created your human weakness.God’s will is not an itinerary, but an attitude lesson of humility.   ~ Andrew Dhuse

People see God every day, they just don’t recognize him.   ~ Pearl Bailey